See that couple over there? He  likes to be spanked and she loves to spank him.
That nice, quiet couple down the road? They are actually swingers and regularly  throw sex parties.

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I do not know these people but hey they could have a really interesting sex life!

That happy family? He is a closet gay and she is having an affair.

The fact of the matter is none of us knows what goes on behind closed doors and that is probably a good thing. But we are all inherently curious as to just what is a “normal”sex life and whether ours makes the grade.

The answer is really quite simple; are you and your partner satisfied? Are you both, genuinely, content with how often you make love, the positions and the variety of your sex life? Because if you aren’t then something needs to change.

And if you are unhappy but not sharing that with your partner?

 That is a recipe for disaster.

Open, clear communication is the most magical of ingredients for a truly great relationship. Because chances are you are not always going to be on the same page, sexually.

She might be going through a phase of rampant horniness ( yes, it does happen!) just when he is stressed out about work, his parents, the economy and the last thing he is thinking about is sex ( yes, it does happen!)

See, we are conditioned to believe that men only think of sex ( apparently every 4 seconds according to some studies) and women aren’t interested. In actual fact, women want it just as much as men, it’s just that different things get us horny and also we are easily distracted by things like the laundry not being done, or Jimmy’s school play or or never ending to do list or, well I’m sure you get the idea.

It is time for us to break the stereotypes portrayed by television sitcoms and look at what is happening in our lives. It is time to realize that men aren’t constantly thinking about it and women think about it more than we let on.

It is time to speak up if we want more foreplay and describe, in detail  ( yes, you have to use the words), what it is we want. Men are not mind readers and good sex only becomes great sex if you can let each other know what it is you like and want.

The bedroom is not a place to be shy. You are naked ( you are naked aren’t you?)  ( Ok, I know some of you have body hangups but please get naked in your bedroom and let your partner see you. Yes, I know some of you have problems with that too but seriously this is the person who LOVES you, get naked with them!Its FUN!!) and now is the time to be all grown up and say the words  “I would like you to lick me/ stroke my clitoris/ suck my nipples/ bite my left earlobe/spank me”.

Because if you don’t say them it will not magically happen. Your partner cannot read your mind. so if you want something to change – TELL THEM! Or you will be stuck having the same mediocre sex for the rest of your life together ( did you just shudder? I did.)

The trouble is that we all live in fear of people thinking we are kinky. What some might consider kinky, others consider normal. When it comes to consensual sex between adults and as long as you are both happy to experiment then by all means go wild.

Sex is supposed to be fun and if you aren’t having fun then you are doing it wrong.

Sure we all get it ruts from time to time but it just takes one partner to suggest something different for a whole lot of new fun to emerge. And we want our sex lives to keep growing and evolving , right? I thought so.

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