This one is not for the faint hearted or those of a delicate constitution. NOWe will be delving into sex and all it’s inherent messiness, so if squeamish back away slowly, now. Or run, your call!

A month or so ago I came across a story that , to be honest, had me completely stumped.

It was the one about the penis beaker.

A woman wrote on Mumsnet about her and her husband’s after sex clean up routine, at which point my mouth fell open and kinda stayed that way for a while as I slowly shook my head from side to side and I began to feel like I had missed a class in sex ed and , well life , really.

I mean here I am, a grown women of 51 with grown children and grandchildren for, goodness sake, and never once had it crossed my mind to

  • instigate a clean up routine after sex
  • invest in a penis beaker

No, our after sex routine, generally involves  snuggles, a kiss and exclamations that we have, in fact , got that shit ( not literally because, eww gross) everywhere, a giggle then we roll over and go to sleep, or get a drink and then sleep . (TMI???? Deal with it )

No penis beakers.

In fact, I just can’t get my head around the whole need for a clean up routine at all.

Before sex , definitely. After sex, no thanks Id rather drift off in an endorphin, post orgasmic slumber, sounds much more fun.

I mean who really wants to get out of bed in the post coital glow? Or am I , in fact, a dirty, dirty girl???

And why are we all so obsessed with being clean anyway? I have to confess to being a bit of an old hippie. Don’t get me wrong, I shower every day and often bath with hubby when he gets home from work ( YUM!) but it seems to me that we all get a tad carried away with all this cleanliness business.

What is wrong with the scent of sex, which to me is delicious(TMI?? again, you have been warned because this post is likely to contain more. Brace your self) or sweat, not stinky I-haven’t-showered-all-week-while -working-outside-in-the-hot-sun but fresh, sweat from today, or the delightful smell of your own vagina which emits different smells throughout your cycle.

 All that stuff is loaded with pheromones, those lusty little chemicals, that help us to sniff out our ideal mate.The trouble is that we are so obsessed with smothering our natural scents under, deodorants, scented pantyliners, perfumes, moisturisers and anything else with the smell of a thousand flowers that is not our own natural scent.

Heaven forbid that we go around smelling like ourselves. Yes, I shower. Do I wear deodorant? No and haven’t for years. Do I wear perfume? Only if it is a natural one and not one that contains synthetic scents in some hideous chemical concoction. Which means generally, no.

But back to sex, it is supposed to be “dirty”. A great session involves losing yourself completely in the throes of passion which leaves you with legs too weak to stand, rather than leaping out of bed to “clean up”, you relax completely satisfied and blissed to move.

Or is that just me? God, I hope not.

What about you? Do you have a clean up routine? Leave me a comment below.

Pin It on Pinterest