I bet you thought this blog was going to be about a road trip….. And it is.
Only the road trip we are taking is one through our sex lives.
Part of the fun of a road trip is the journey itself; the scenery, the pit stops,the checking out the random things you see and suddenly must investigate further. Well, sex is just like that and just like no road trip is complete without someone asking, from the back seat, “are we there yet?” often our sex ride is interrupted by some one asking (or thinking!) “are we there yet?”, which in sex talk looks more like “where did my orgasm go?”.
The trouble is too many of us, especially us women, are focused on the end goal – arriving at the destination marked “Orgasm” rather than just enjoying the journey.
Great sex should be more of a marathon than a sprint, although that analogy tends to make it sound more like a test of endurance and stamina rather than the joyful adventure that it is.
We all seem to feel so pressured ( again, I’m talking to you, ladies) on reaching an orgasm in a short space of time and we seem to forget that sex is supposed to be fun, first and foremost.
With all this pressure to “hurry up and come” we lose the ability to be fully present in the moment and experience all the sensations and bliss that is happening right now, in this moment.
Nowhere was this made more clear to me than in a recent article I read on XOJane.
The article itself was great as it was giving five ways to make masturbation even better and spoke of setting the mood,using a yoni egg and meditation among other things but it was the comments that I found most interesting, for two reasons; (1) the amount of women who were worried about the yoni egg disappearing inside of them which just shows the disconnect from our bodies and basic anatomy and (2) how many of them were looking at just “getting off” and wanting tips for better vibrators.
Now there is nothing wrong with vibrators or wanting a “quick orgasm”, I’m just saying it shouldn’t be like all the time. we should learn to savour the trip so here are my tips for slower, sexier journeys
(1) Take in the scenery
Just like on a road trip you take time to admire the views the same can be said for a good sex session. Take the time to admire your partner.
Notice their long legs, their broad shoulders and their cute little toosh.
Spend time exploring their body.
(2) Have a pit stop
Go get a drink or something sexy to nibble on. Hydration is always essential for an extended session which then leads to…..
Take a pee break. Nothing will take the focus off your orgasm quicker than needing to pee!
(3) Change drivers
Everyone gets tired so if one partner has been doing all the hard yards give them a break and you take over for awhile.
(4) We’re here!
Even if only one of you orgasms it can still have been a fun trip. Focusing only on the destination can make any adventure long and tortuous but going along for the ride, just for fun, makes it all worthwhile.
The biggest thing I want you to get from this blog post is to just S-L-O-W D-O-W-N. Take your time. Take the pressure off both you and your partner about when or if you are going to orgasm. The more you tense up and stress about it the more fleeting it will become. Just relax, breathe and enjoy the ride.
PS: and if all else fails there is always vibrators!
PPS and as an FYI there is no way a yoni egg can “disappear” inside of you to wander forlornly among your entrails. NOPE, ain’t going to happen