Grieving is not something that we are taught or that we see very often. It makes people uncomfortable and think about their own mortality.
In 2014 I had three deaths of people I was close to. In January my mother in law passed. A month later it was my brother – he was 56, the age I am today. Then in November my dear friend Heather died of breast cancer.
This weekend it was my mother that passed away from a brain tumour.
Regardless of the age of the person, death never comes easy and grief, well, grief shows up differently for everyone.
I’ve been estranged from my family of birth for a long time. It’s been 9 years since I had any real contact with them. That means I didn’t get to say a decent good bye to my brother or my mother. Death always feels a bit surreal but even more so when you are on the outside and looking in.
Wayne Dyer has a beautiful quote:
“When you squeeze an orange, you’ll always get orange juice to come out. What comes out is what’s inside. The same logic applies to you: when someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, or says something unflattering or critical, and out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, tension, depression, or anxiety, that is what’s inside. If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, change your life by changing what’s inside.”
This is so true when it comes to those times when the pressure is really on – deaths and weddings seem to bring out the best and the worst in people. In my family it seems to be the worst, sadly.
Here’s my steps for how to grieve.
It’s what has worked for me and all cases are different. Take from it what serves you and leave the rest.
(1) Feel your feelings
Don’t stuff them down with food – tempting as that is- or sedate them with alcohol or drugs. Just sit and let them wash over you in waves, because that is how grief comes, in waves.
I’m currently fasting today so I can feel it all and let it go.
(2) Surround yourself with those who love you.
You will be surprised where those people will show up and which ones will pour the most love on your aching heart. Allow all of that in.
(3) Have compassion.
Not everyone is comfortable with the dying process. Some will lash out in pain hoping to dislodge some of their pain by dumping it on you. Please know that they are just hurting too and send them love.
(4) Be gentle.
Take time to just be.
(5) Nature is your best friend
Pat your cat or your dog.
Walk outside barefoot on the grass.
Stare at the clouds.
Meditate as often as you can.
(6) Utilise all the help you can
There are numerous modalities that have helped me get through this cycle of life. Self love has been my top priority and I have made sure to do something for myself each day.
Karen is my kinesiologist friend in Australia and she has been amazing. Check her work out here Blooming from within Kinesiology
Karen not only cleared some family issues from my body but also made me a beautiful Australian Bush flower blend which I have been taking daily.
I have also been taking Motherwort tincture that I made last year. Motherwort is one of those things I think every woman needs in her toolkit., Want a calm, chilled out vibe? Motherwort is for you.
Last but not least was regular ( and I do mean daily) womb reiki sessions with my yoni eggs. I’ll be talking more about this in my Self Love and Acceptance with Yoni eggs webinar which has been postponed until October 14 now. Make sure to click the link to sing up and you’ll get the repaly link if you can’t make it live.